You Oughta Know
by ljp
Summary: Song fic-let about the loss of a lover. POV is debatable.
1. You Oughta Know

**_You Oughta Know_**

Disclaimer:  Harry Potter and all characters contained in it belong to the fabulous J. K. Rowling.  The song "You Ought Know" belongs to the equally fabulous Alanis Morisette.  I'm just borrowing the both of them for this angsty ficlet.

***

_I want you to know that I'm happy for you  
I wish nothing but the best for you both_

I saw you hurry off with her after breakfast.  You left at different times of course.  Wouldn't want anyone seeing you leave together.  Wouldn't want anyone to know who you left me for.  

But I need to be happy.  I have to be happy that you're happy.

_An older version of me  
Is she perverted like me  
Would she go down on you in a theater_

We had some fun times together though, didn't we?  Sneaking off to the Shrieking Shack.  Hiding in that cave by the lake.  You take her there now.  I know you do.  I went yesterday and saw the left over food.  I know you had a picnic.  You never took me on a picnic.

_Does she speak eloquently  
And would she have your baby  
I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother_

All those brothers I know would help.  Unless they disabled you first.  I could never be a mother.  You know that.  I know you want children.  I also know you're scared.  You don't want to turn into your father.  Does she know that?  Does she know all about your fears?  Does she know that you still sleep with a light on out of habit?  It's from all those nights when you were young, so you could see your father coming before he hit you.  She doesn't know any of that, does she?

She doesn't know what I know.

_'Cause the love that you gave that we made  
wasn't able to make it enough for you to be open wide, no_

I loved you.  I love you.

_And every time you speak her name  
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me  
__Until you died, 'til you died  
But you're still alive_

You promised.  More than once.  I can remember still the first time you told me that you loved me.  It was fifth year, right before holiday break.  You admitted to me that you never felt love before.  You didn't know what it felt like to love, or to be loved.  I reached out for you and touched you.  You wrapped your arms around me and we stood there, all alone.  You were shaking when you confessed everything to me.  You confessed that this feeling you had was love.  You never wanted anything to come between us.  You held onto me for an eternity before finally letting go and just staring at me.  Very quietly, almost inaudible, you whispered, "I love you."  I can still feel your breath on my cheek.

_And I'm here to remind you  
Of the mess you left when you went away  
It's not fair to deny me  
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me  
You, you, you oughta know_

I did everything for you.  I gave my life for you.  Not literally of course, or I wouldn't be able to tell you this.  But I did.  I have the mark on my arm to prove it.  We went together, you know?  Or did you forget?  Did you forget the pain and the agony as the blood burned into the skin of your arm?  Did you forget that I was there, that we held each other's hands as we made our vows?  Did you forget that we're bound together by a power greater than even love?

_You seem very well, things look peaceful_

You still smile.  You still laugh.  You still tease.  You still taunt.

_I'm not quite as well, I thought you should know_

I can't think.  I can't sleep.  I can't concentrate.  I can't speak

_Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity  
I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner  
It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced  
Are you thinking of me when you fuck her?_

I was your first you know.  That's something you'll never share with anyone, not even her.  Yes, you may be her first.  You may lie and say that she's yours.  But I know better.  I could tell everyone what happened that night over break in the Great Hall.  We snuck in, didn't we?  You like to live dangerously.  I followed suit.  It was amazing.  Do you think of me, of that night, when you're with her?  Merlin, I hope so.

_'Cause the love that you gave that we made  
wasn't able to make it enough for you to be open wide, no  
And every time you speak her name  
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me  
Until you died, 'til you died  
But you're sill alive_

I can also remember the last time you told me you loved me.  It was about two and a half months ago, after the first Quidditch match of the year.  You caught the snitch.  Everyone was so excited.  I was so excited.  You pulled me into your arms and told me then.  It was the last time you ever kissed me.

_And I'm here to remind you  
Of the mess you left when you went away  
It's not fair to deny me  
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me  
You, you, you oughta know_

You oughta know how much this hurts.  It does hurt.  All over.

_'Cause the joke that you laid in the bed that was me  
And I'm not gonna fade  
As soon as you close your eyes and you know it_

You'll never get away from me either.  Every day I'll be in the common room.  Every meal I'll be sitting next to you.  Every class I'll be copying your homework.  Every Quidditch match I'll be there in the stands.  Every summer I'll be over for dinner.  Every night I'll haunt your dreams.  I'll be everywhere.

_  
And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back  
I hope you feel it...well can you feel it?_

I hope you know that I love you.  I hope you know that I hate you too.  I hope you know I don't care what you and the freckle-faced goody-two-shoes do.  I hope she hurts you just as much as you've hurt me.

***

The End.


	2. Forgive Me Love

**_Forgive Me Love_**

Disclaimer: Anything that has anything to do with Harry Potter belongs to J. K. Rowling.  The song and its lyrics belong to Alanis Morissette.  Thank you.

***

_I went to your house _

_Walked up the stairs _

_Opened your door without ringing the bell _

I don't know why you've been avoiding me.  I haven't done anything wrong, have I?  I haven't hurt you, or betrayed you.  I don't think I made any false promises or told any lies.    
  
I needed to see you.  I ran through the halls blindly, stumbling over nothing in an effort to catch you.  You had forgotten that you had given me the password, didn't you?  And you hadn't changed it.  So I went in.

_Walked down the hall _

_Into your room where I could smell you _

I smelled you everywhere.  That distinct scent that is you.  I think it was the cologne I bought for you last Christmas.

_And I shouldn't be here _

_Without permission _

_Shouldn't be here..      _

Someone could find out I was here.  I could be expelled for trespassing.  For entering your room without permission.  I should have turned back.  But I didn't want to.  I wanted to hold onto whatever we had left.

_Would you forgive me love if I dance in your shower? _

_Would you forgive me love if I laid in your bed? _

_Would you forgive me love if I stay all afternoon?     _

I just wanted to be there with you.  But you weren't anywhere nearby, so I had to settle for your things.  I had to lay there on the black silk sheets and stare at the ceiling.  I had to stare at the end table where my picture had been just two days before.

_I took off my clothes _

_Put on your robe _

If I couldn't have you against me, I would have to settle for the next best thing.

_Went through your drawers _

_And I found your cologne _

_Went down do the den _

It was the cologne I bought you for Christmas.  I sprayed it on my wrists and let the scent flow into me.  It was you.  It was what you wore.  At least I know you still carry with you some part of me.

_Found your CD's _

_And I played your Joni            _

I never knew you were into Muggle technology.  It must have been her.

_And I shouldn't stay long _

_You might be home soon _

_Shouldn't stay long...   _

I didn't know where you were.  I couldn't tell if you had run to the kitchens to sneak a snack, or you were down at the pitch practicing for the big game.  I should have left then.

_Would you forgive me love if I danced in your shower? _

_Would you forgive me love if I laid in your bed? _

_Would you forgive me love if I stay all afternoon?    _

I wanted to see you.

_I burned your incense _

Maybe you'll realize I was there.  Maybe you'll come back.

_I ran a bath _

I needed to sit in the tub one more time, letting the water splash against me, the bubbles tickling my skin.  I needed to remember all that we had and think of you beside me once more.

_I noticed a letter that sat on your desk _

_It said: _

_"Hello love. _

_I love you so, love. _

_Meet me at __midnight__." _

It was there.  My biggest fear.  It practically jumped out at me.  You must have charmed it to emit all those bright, flashing lights.  You wanted me to find it.

_And no, it wasn't my writing _

_I'd better go soon _

_It wasn't my writing     _

I would never have used such girlie paper.  Roses?  Really, come on.  You can do better.  You had better.

I should leave.  You might come back.  You might come back and she might be with you.

_So forgive me love if I cry in your shower _

_So forgive me love for the salt in your bed _

_So forgive me love if I cry all afternoon_

I need these last few minutes to gather myself together.  Now that I know it's really over, that you're really with her, I need to calm down.  I need to let it sink in that you have gotten over me and chose her.  

But I can't.  I love you.

***

The End.

Author's Note:  Once again, it's narrated by the same person as the previous.  Anyone care to wager a guess?  I'll give you a cookie if you get all three right.


	3. Nobody Knows

**_Nobody Knows_**

Disclaimer: Once again, J. K. Rowling owns all that is Harry Potter.  And, hate to disappoint all you Alanis fans, but this one's Kevin Sharp.  Um, he and some pop singer both sung this song so, yeah.  Nothing belongs to me.

_***_

_I pretend that I'm glad you went away_

_But these four walls close in more every day_

I try to be happy for you.  I try to ignore the fact that you left me with practically no warning.  But it's so hard, it's nearly impossible.  Everything around me shifts and distorts itself.  I'm getting dizzy; I feel sick.  

_And I'm dying inside and nobody knows it but me_

I can't breathe.  My lungs have stopped functioning all together.  My heart won't beat, and each piece of me contorts and flips, making me ill and tired and, I feel like I'm dying.  If this is what life without you is like, maybe I'd be better off dead. 

_Like a clown I put on a show_

You don't see that I hurt.  I sit by you and smile.  I laugh.  I tease.  I flirt.  I hide my own emotions and mask my true feelings.  Every morning when I wake up, I put on a new face.  I should win an Oslet, or whatever that Muggle award is, for this.

_The pain is real even if nobody knows_

It's there.  I feel it.

_And I'm crying inside and nobody knows it but me_

I cry myself to sleep every night.  When I wake up, the Thames is flowing over my sheets.  One of these days, I'm going to drown in an ocean of my own tears.

_Why didn't I say the things I needed to say?_

I could have apologized for whatever it was I did.  I still don't know.  I could have told you I love you.  I could have said I wanted you to say.  I could have demanded to know why.  I could have said anything more than what I did say, which was nothing.

_How could I let my angel get away?_

_Now my world is just a-tumblin' down_

_I can say it so clearly but you're nowhere around_

You left me here with all these words on the tip of my tongue.  I can stand here, alone, and say them all.  I can recite them over and over again.  I can revise and edit this one-sided conversation that you'll never hear.

_The nights are lonely, the days are so sad_

I lay awake at night thinking about you.  I go through the motions everyday, trying hard to keep up that show.  But I can't stand this pain that's searing through every pore of my body.

_And I just keep thinkin' about the love that we had_

We had everything.  I thought we'd be in this until the end, but I guess my views were distorted.  I guess I was living in a delusion that you really loved me as much as I thought you did.  I thought you loved me as much as I love you.

_And I'm missing you and nobody knows it but me_

_How blue can I get, you could ask my heart_

_Just like a jigsaw puzzle it's been torn all apart_

Pieces of me have been left all over.  I'm in your room.  I'm in your classes.  I'm in your heart.

_A million words couldn't say just how I feel_

I cannot express this to you.  I wouldn't be able to even if you were in front of me.  I love you.  More than words can say.

_A million years from now, you know, I'll be loving you still_

No matter what happens in the next few years, you will always be the boy that I loved – still love.  It doesn't matter to me who rises into power or what git knocks them down again, you will always be on my mind.  You're in my thoughts, and in my heart, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.  And you will be for the rest of my life.

_The nights are lonely, the days are so sad_

_And I just keep thinkin' about the love that we had_

_And I'm missing you and nobody knows it but me_

I don't even think you realize how much I wish you were here with me.  I miss your arms around me.  I miss your smile.  I miss your laugh.  I miss your kisses and your touch.  I miss loving you.  

The End.

***

Quick Author's Note:  I just want to thank everyone for reviewing, please keep it up.  As for all your guesses, well, they're all as good as mine!  No, kidding.  But seriously, I don't know if I'll ever tell who they are, but you guys all have the right idea.  I'd like for everyone to make of it as they will.  Please read my other stories and review them, okay?  Thanks!  
  
Special thanks to the following people: Katie Bell, Draco-Look-Alike, Mistress Cresacre, CF, Lady Aqua, Wytlk, lupe silverwing, and Xaviera Xylire.  Thanks for reviewing!


	4. How Have You Been?

**_How Have You Been?_**

****

Disclaimer: If you don't like this, do not blame me. I did not write this chapter. LilithDrowning did (it's the first thing she's written in ages, so don't think that if you go check out her stories that any of them have been updated this century.) Anyways… Harry Potter and all characters related to the little sucker belong to J.K  Rowling. The awesome song "How Have You Been" belongs to that goddess Ani DiFranco. (can anyone else tell that ljp isn't really writing this disclaimer?)

***

_you could always hear the rub squeaking  
of those two tree limbs  
'til one day one of them came down  
taken down by the wind_

I sit here looking out the window. There are trees outside (yes. I am quite observant.) and looking at them, I see one missing a limb.  I remember how that happened. Months ago. Maybe longer. There was a storm.  It was the middle of the night and I was sitting up in bed, thinking of you. I always did. I still do, it seems. Why else would I be noticing that tree? 

_  
but on the one that's still there  
you can still see where the bark was  
rubbed bare  
it's a metaphor if you know what i mean  
  
I feel like the left over limb. One of them at least. The stronger part of me was ripped untimely away by a freak storm. A freakish girl, really. Frizzy red hair. **Red hair. And here you always told me how ridiculous that color was. Like it had to be some mistake of nature. Just like those Gryffindors. And now what?**_

_how have you been?  
  
I wonder sometimes if you really are as alright as you seem. Are you sad sometimes too? I'm sure you never sit and think. I'm sure you never want to die. You have her. She can heal all your wounds. Apparently she is everything I am not. I must not have been very much._

_me and you  
and your girlfriend makes three_

It's sad, really, how I try to make you notice me, how I try to talk to you, how it was me who knocked those letters she wrote you behind your dresser. But it was an accident, really. And what proof does anyone have that it was me? I'm being vindictive, I know. It's ridiculous. I should be ashamed of myself. You have eyes only for her anyway. I'm just the backdrop to your picture fucking perfect romance. 

_  
in the interest of even numbers  
i will make myself scarce  
i will make myself scarcely me_

If I were to disappear would you even notice? And if you did, would you care? Maybe I will just up and go. You'll be better off without me anyway. You'll be better off with your cute little romance and your cute little Gryffindor and your cute little letters (that I didn't toss behind your dresser. It was the wind) and your cute little... Everything! 

Ugly little me will just go away.

_  
but i'll be outside your window at night  
pull up your shades  
leave on your light_

But try as I might I know that I'll never really be able to leave you. Even if I left this school, if I left this city, if I left this country, hell, if I left this whole world and all it's crap you're the one thing I could never leave. I'd still come back. I'd still stand under your window and look up, hoping that you'd look back down at me. Hoping you'd at least come to the window so I could see your face without seeing hers.

I want to see your face.

_  
i don't want to come in between  
i just want to know_

If your happy, then how can I not be? Right? Right?! All I ever thought I wanted was for you to be happy, happy, happy. And if what makes you happy is to make me want to die, to make me want to scream, to make me nothing, then so be it, right? I said it was what I wanted. I said I wanted your happiness

And you're happy with her.

But I hope that you're really not._  
  
how have you been?  
  
_

Even if you weren't happy, it's not like you would tell me. That would cause you to lose face. You have pride. Far too much pride. I wonder if she knows that. I wonder if she knows all the things I know. I wonder if she can see what I see and hear in your voice what I always heard.

I hope not, because I heard perfect love. I couldn't stand to have anyone else receive that kind of love from you.

I'd die.

I might die anyway.

_  
i leave for a living_

I used to use boys and lose 'em the next day. They'd buy me roses and Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans and take me to Quidditch matches and carry my things for me… Then I'd just ditch them. I got bored. They were boring. Them and their desires and poems and disgustingly trite declarations of love.

Maybe I can treat you like one of them…

No. I can't. But I can try.

_  
music's just something i do  
on my way out the door_

You're the only one who knew about my obsession with music, with singing, with the most beautiful sounds that could be coaxed from all sorts of objects, even those not originally intended to be instruments.

Who else do you think I'll ever share my secret with? I can't think of anyone worthy, lovable, or beautiful enough. Even when I sang terribly you told me it was lovely.

And you know what?

I almost believed you.

_  
and i'd do almost anything once_

_something about you_

When you came to me, when we… began, I was doing something I had never done before. I had never really loved before. I hadn't wanted to.

With you I wanted to.

_  
i think i'd do you more  
if i had my way i'd stay here  
and watch your hair grow for a while_

And if you asked me to come back, as pathetic as this sounds, I probably would. If you asked, I'd be willing to sit and look at you, sit and watch your face, your body, your being.

Hell, that's almost what I want to do.

_  
it makes me smile just to dream of it  
  
_

The memories I have are all that really makes me smile any more. I have no reason to be here. I keep saying that. I keep saying I should leave. So why don't I? Why don't I go?

_  
how have you been?_

Oh yeah. I'd never see you again.

***

The End


	5. The Lover After Me

**_The Lover After Me_**

Disclaimer: Once again, the amazing JKR owns all Harry Potter characters and associations.  After all, if I owned them, the books would have been "Draco Malfoy and the Sorcerer's Stone."  And the wonderful Darren and Daniel of Savage Garden own the song.  They are amazing too.

***

_Here I go again I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today_

If only I could get through one day without thinking about you.  I go to bed at night vowing that seeing your face the moment before sleep overtakes me will be the last thought of you.  

I don't need this.  I don't need to dwell on the past, thinking of you and seeing your face and hearing your voice every moment of every day.  I promise this day will be different.  But even I know it won't.

_It's been seven months and counting_

Has it really been that long?  Is it already May?  We only have weeks left.  And then it's all over.  Another year came and went, only this time, I didn't have you there beside me the whole time.  I haven't had you with me for seven months, six days, fourteen hours, thirty-two minutes, and five seconds…but then, who's counting?

_You've moved on_

_I still feel exactly the same_

You moved on the day after you ended it.  I haven't.  I still love you as much as I ever did.  Even after all the hurt you've caused me, I still love you.

_It's just that everywhere I go all the buildings know you're name_

_Like photographs and memories of love_

_Steel and granite reminders_

_The city calls your name and I can't move on_

Everywhere I go, I see you.  Or I hear you.  Or I smell you.

I hear the whispers in the hall.  The latest gossip.  You and you're little, loyal, freckle-faced Gryffindor.  It hurts when I hear people talking about you.  They don't seem to care that I'm there.  They don't seem to notice the girl you left behind.

_Ever since you've been gone_

_The lights go out the same_

Time hasn't stopped.  I still wake up, go to meals (three a day, I swear), attend classes, do homework, wander around Hogsmeade, go to bed.  I shut out the light and stare at the ceiling, thinking of you and waiting for you to sneak in to steal a few moments alone with me.  I even think I feel your breath on my neck as you call out my name…

_The only difference is_

_You call another name_

Her.  Always her.

_To your love_

_To your lover now_

_To your love_

_The lover after me_

Is she just like me?  No, she wouldn't be.  She's too sweet, too innocent, and too pure.  I bet you don't have half as much fun as you did with me.

_Am I all alone in the universe?_

Sometimes I feel like I am.  There's no one here for me.  Sure, there are my room mates and my House mates, but no one comes close to you.  I'd never talked to anyone the way I talk to you.  So now I have no one.

_There's not love on these streets_

_I have given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway_

The least you could have done was warned me.  Maybe then I'd have a little feeling, a little emotion left to pass on to the next boy who breaks my heart.

_So this is my new freedom_

I should look on the bright side – I'm free!  I have nothing holding me back, no one protecting me, hovering over me.  I could find a new boy.  Hell, I think right now, I'd even settle for Potter or the Weasel.  Maybe then you'd notice me again…?

_It's funny_

_I don't remember being chained_

I'm more trapped than I ever have been before.

_But nothing seems to make sense anymore_

Did I just say I'd settle for the Dynamic Duo?  Oh please say those words did not exit my mouth. 

You have confused me and hurt me so much nothing makes sense.  I can't think straight.

_Without you I'm always twenty minutes late_

You used to wait for me, to make sure I'd be everywhere on time.  Class, breakfast, Hogsmeade, whatever it was, you were there.  Now I can't even seem to get out of bed in the mornings.  I have no reason to.  You're already gone, off with her no doubt.  And I can't feel my legs to walk.

_Ever since you've been gone_

_The lights go out the same_

_The only difference is_

_You call another name_

_To your love_

_To your lover now_

_To your love_

_The lover after me_

She's not as good as I was.  You'll never find anyone better.

  
I shudder to think of her with you.  It makes me sick.

_And time goes by so slowly_

Tick.  Tock.  Tick.  Tock.  

Slow motion.  Everything passes by at an incredibly abnormal speed.  Slow.  Silent.  Lonely.

_The nights are cold and lonely_

I wrap the cold sheets tighter around  myself in an effort to warm myself.  I used to have you with me, holding me, keeping me warm.  You used to wrap your arms around me and kiss my shoulder.  I shivered, but it wasn't from the cold.  Now I'm alone.

_I shouldn't be holding on_

_But I'm still holding on for you_

I flip to my side to stare at the picture.  You smile back, winking and giving me that superior look you use whenever around the Gryffindors.  Then you laugh and it cycles through again.  I reach out to trace the lines of you face, but I draw back.  It hurts too much.

_Here I go again_

_I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today_

Maybe I can make it through one twenty-four hour cycle without thinking of the past.  Without thinking of you.  But I know it'll be impossible.

You start toward the door.  It's late.  You're going to meet her, I know.  You don't see me in the shadows, warming my lonely self in front of the fire.  My feet hit the ground  without my willing them to do so.  I spin around, looking for you.

_But I'm standing at your doorway_

_I'm calling out your name because I can't move one_

The words escape from my mouth before I can recall them.

You turn around to look at me.  Your eyes meet mine.  I try to smile, but I can feel the tears start to fall.  You take a step closer to me, I can almost feel your arms around me.

"Please."  I whisper, not sure if you even hear me.  You look at me again, reaching for my hand.  You take it, squeeze it, and start to close the space between us.

I can feel your breath on my lips.  I close my eyes, intoxicated.  "I'm sorry."  You murmur.  Then, you're gone.  And I'm alone.

I'm sure you went off to meet your lover after me.

The End.

***


	6. Better Off Without You

Better Off Without You**  
**  
Disclaimer: As always, I do not own Harry Potter or any of its characters.  Although, every once in a while, Severus, Oliver, or Draco make an appearance in my bedroom…oops, did I say that out loud?  And, of course, the song is not mine either.  It belongs to the Clarks and the ever-talented Scott Blasey *swoon*.

***

_You are sultry, dirty, soft and hard_

I always loved that about you.  No one else did.  One minute you'd be happy, the next you were sad; it was unpredictable.  But I loved you anyway.

_  
You are close to me and you're so far_

You live down the hall.  I can almost hear you breathing.  But, to me, you are so far out of reach.

_  
And I'm thinking of the time we spent together_

Studying - *not* studying.  Quidditch practices: you promised to teach me how to play.  All those balls, the Hogsmeade trips, the dinners out – the dinners in.

_  
Now I'll bury this in my backyard_

But enough of that – why do I care anymore?  Why can't I just let this all go?  It's over and done with; I don't know why I care so much.

_  
Sometimes I sit and wonder_

…what would have happened if…?

_  
But I'll never dial your number 'cause  
  
I'm having fun looking out for number one  
And I'm doing all the things I like to do  
I'm having fun 'cause I knew it all along  
I'd be better off without you  
  
_

I am independent.  I don't have you constantly looking over your shoulder at me.  You don't criticize my singing, or my writing.  And you don't laugh at me when I don't know the answer in Potions; I can't help it that I there's no love lost between me and our Head of House.  I can do whatever I want now, without worrying if I'm living up to your expectations.  I'm having more fun without you.

_  
You are guilty, pretty, high and low  
You're a place to stay and a time to go_

Too many contradictions.  I didn't even notice when your love started to fade.

_  
And I'm searching through the things you left behind here  
Now it's time for me to let it go_

I have your green silk boxers.  I think I'll shrink them.

I have one of your copies of Quidditch Weekly.  I think I'll burn it now.  

I have a picture of you and me taken last year – Christmas.  I think it'll disappear in the back of my dresser drawer.

_  
Sometimes I sit and wonder  
But I'll never dial that number 'cause  
  
I'm having fun looking out for number one  
And I'm doing all the things I like to do  
I'm having fun 'cause I knew it all along  
I'd be better off without you  
  
_

I am better off without you.

_  
Late at night you pick up the telephone  
Call me up and cry 'cause you're all alone I don't care_

She left you.  The tramp actually left you.  I think those brothers of hers finally got to her.  But I don't care.  You left me first.

_  
Apologize for taking my cigarettes  
Now it's time to feel all the side effects  
Missing the life you had_

You could have had me; if you hadn't wanted her instead.  

But I'm okay now.  I've gotten over it.  I'm better off without you.

**The End.**


	7. Losing My Mind

**_Losing my Mind_**

**Disclaimer:**  Any Harry Potter characters you should discover in this fic are not mine to claim.  J.K. Rowling made them all up and is a goddess for that reason.  The lyrics to this song belong to Stephen Sondheim, that musical mastermind that brought us Into the Woods.  Thank you.

***

_The sun comes up_

_I think about you_

I thought I was over you.  But the sun came up this morning, and I saw your face in it.

_The coffee cup_

_I think about you_

You were sitting right next to me as I drank my coffee this morning.  But I didn't look at you.  I stared into the mug of thick, dark liquid.  But I still saw you.

_I want you so_

_It's like I'm losing my mind_

I see you everywhere.  After you came to me because of your little lover's tiff, I haven't been able to get you out of my mind.  I pushed you away, and you ran back to her.  Made up, or made out, whatever it is you do with her.

_The morning ends_

_I think about you_

Classes end.  It's time for lunch.  I see you in my bowl of soup.

_I talk to friends_

_And think about you_

The problem with this arrangement is that we share friends.  We share House-mates.  I cannot stand it when they talk about you.  It hurts thinking about you.

_And do they know _

_It's like I'm losing my mind?_

Sometimes it seems like they have no idea what's going on.  Do they realize we're not together anymore?  Do they know you're with her?  They cannot begin to understand what this is like for me.

_All afternoon doing every little chore_

_The thought of you stays bright_

I was cleaning my room the other day.  I found that picture I tried so hard to hide.

_Sometimes I stand in the middle of the floor_

_Not going left, not going right_

I stood there, my hand clutching at the picture as if my life depended on it.  I couldn't move.  I was immobilized.  Finally, I gathered up the courage to tear it in half.

_I dim the lights_

_And think about you_

Time for bed.  Another day has finally ended.  Another day that I am not with you.  Why do I do this to myself?  Why do I let you get to me?

_Spend sleepless nights_

_To think about you_

I can't close my eyes for fear of seeing nothing but you.

_You said you loved me_

_Or were you just being kind?_

_Or am I losing my mind?_

I know I heard the words.  I know I said the words.  Was I the only one saying them that whole time?  Did I imagine hearing you say them?  Maybe the entire thing has been in my mind.

_I want you so_

I want to feel you with me.  I want you to kiss me and hold me and tell me everything will be okay.

_It's like I'm losing my mind_

Maybe I'm going crazy.  Maybe you never did love me.  I know there's no chance anything will happen between us again.  

***

The End.

***

Author's Note:  I'm running out of songs.  If anyone has any suggestions, I'd be more than happy to hear them.  As for the guesses, some of you are right, some of you are wrong.  I doubt I ever disclose the information.


End file.
